Can you?

Read my pulse

Look into my eyes

I heard you are good in that

They say

Emotions hide in them

Can you find mine?

Sombrio ~

its when the light goes out at night

little fragments of thoughts

creeps up my mind

little thoughts 

of me

of you 

of them

its when

i wish things 

did not go the way it did 

its when 

i sometimes find myself 

drowning in self-hate

its also when 

i remember of all the times 

i was convinced that i am not good enough ~

Mediocre ~

As i was sitting in a cafe, one of those overrated ones
I saw her walk in
Black tee, Blue jeans
Simple
Slightly brown hair,tied up in a bun
Glasses as big as her half face
A hint of eyeliner
A face so pale and eye bags,evidence of caffeine overload

She took her drink,a hot drink, thats all i could see
Looked around for the most secluded seat
And settled in
She place her black bag carefully on the seat beside her
Took out her slightly cracked android
She slowly adjusted the allignment of her cup
Took a photograph of her drink
I suppose to be posted on Instagram

Next she pulls out a notebook
Not a mac, no
A writing notebook, a school pen
She tore 2 pages out
And she started writing
After a while i see her reaching for a tissue in her bag
Quickly wiped that drop of tear that fell on the pages

She stayed awhile,finishing her cuppa
She looked at the teenage girl hugging her dad outside the glass door
She glanced at the few fashionistas passing by
She almost smiled
She took a last sip
Looked at her watch
Redid her hair bun
Took her bag,walked out
As i glanced back to where she sat
I realised she left that note she wrote

=)

Notifications

Years passed by

Not that I realized the time flying

To me 

It felt like a long silence

Beep………….beep……………

Life has been like 

Listening to adele singing

I was wondering if after all these years 

You’d like to meet

To go over everything

They say that time's supposed to heal 

But I ain't done much healing?

Did I ?

More of a numb feeling

Took all that I was supposed to feel  

I remember I cried, I remember the voices in my head

Took them all threw them outta window 

Fuck it all I screamed

Hello ?

But I wasn’t adele 

Ive not called ,

Not allowed to coexist

But I know how much sorry I was 

Yes it was partly me, that’s what they made me believe

Coincident? Impaired judgement i’d say

Not everyone knew

They were throwing knives 

Instilling hatred 

And 

I thought 

I figured everything out

I thought things were long gone

But I suddenly snapped 

Look,  they said again

A touch on my shoulder

Felt rather like another gunshot

Knock knock 

Who’s there 

Oh 

Its poor judgements again

There is more?

Let me see,  not much changed?

Yet again

This time I slam the door hard

Behind the door, I held on 

The same song repeated in my head

I hope you will make it out of that town where nothing happened

Beep………beep……..

Oh Its Goodbye 

Round and around ~

diam-- dia lemah.
lantang-- nampak salah.
mesra-- dia sundal.
pasif-- suami gatal.
setia-- dimadu lelaki.
curang-- dicanang keji.

terlalu cinta-- dimain2kan.
terlalu berjaga-- dimarah2kan.
sering nangis-- rimas selalu.
mata kering-- dipanggil batu.

oh love of mine

Oh, love of mine
With a song and a whine
You're harsh and divine
Like truths and a lie

-Rohan Rathore-

Fall

Its funny how we think of love and attachment as things so important
Its funny how you think you will never be able to love someone,
And then you fall in love, unintentionally , unknowingly ,sometimes unwillingly
Isnt it also funny how you think how you will not be able to let go of someone, to move on from so much memories you made , to not feel the way you felt

But the real truth is
You do
You fall in love, you fall out of love
You break up, you let go, finally
You let go.

As far as it is to move on ,to not feel the way you felt?
It starts with a fixed part of your cerebrum
That constantly thinks of them, of what they are doing,
if they are happy, if they are missing you even a little
And then ,then you try to not go there.

You will forever keep those memories locked in the back of your head
Sometimes haunting you


And the one thing , you never thought of taking with you
forever
is
Guilt.
The guilt of hurting another